So, I guess I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and get one of these blogs that everyone else seems to have.
Lately, my mind has been going crazy. I’ve reached so many forks in the road and the hard part isn’t choosing which way to go, it’s figuring out where to go once i’m lost. I need to go through and pick out all the weeds that are holding me back from where I want to go and what I want to be. There seems to be so many obvious solutions as to what I should do, but since when have I been the one to do things the easy way?…why start now?
Here I am, 180 miles east of where I truely feel my heart belongs. I’m not saying it was a mistake to go away and I’m not saying that I regret it, but something is missing. Maybe it’s comfort, maybe it’s feeling wanted…either way, this isn’t what I want nor what I wanted. I’ve asked myself what I really want, and I can’t come up with much. My life is back in Greensboro and I took advantage of what I had. It wasn’t until I got the job with AmeriCorps and was told I had a week to pack up and head out that it really hit me… I didn’t want to come in the first place. It never helps moving to a new town with a negative attitude but somethings are hard to avoid. Apparently everything that I thought I wanted, was far from reality.
Nothing against East Carolina as a whole, but on a more personal level, it’s not for me. I thought this “Pirate Nation” was my idea of the true college experience… but I was wrong, once again. It’s purple & gold everywhere…pirates, skulls and crossbones rule this town. I was overwhelmed with the pride within the town and I loved it. Sold out football games, parties everywhere, a full wardrobe of ECU gear, late nights and early..hungover..mornings were my idea of “the best years of your life”. It’s a college town without a doubt but it’s a little much for me. I’m not all about the partying 24/7 and I’m definitely not all about my professors making me feel as if I’m on the road to being another statistic, whether referring to the drop out rate or STD’s. Reallll professional LET ME TELL YOU.
I miss home, not gonna lie. Yes, I’m comparing everything to what I’ve left behind and it’s going to create a negative impact on Greenville but it is what it is. Enough about ECU…
Being here has helped me realize who really matters, and who never did. I’m learning now to let go of the people who cause more harm than good and focus on the important things. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you, and let go of the rest. People get hurt, emotions go wild, and sometimes it feels like the world is crashing down on you, but life goes on.
“And I take the first step of a million more.
And I’ll make mistakes I’ve never made before.
But at least I’m moving forward”
I’m done rambling..but maybe I’ll update later.
One Comment
WOW – I love that you started this blog. And I love how you express yourself. You’re pretty good at this, ya know? Maybe you should consider being a writer..lol Anyway, you and I have talked about alot of this. So I wasn’t really surprised to read what you had to say. But I want you know that I am so very proud of you. I don’t think there is one definite path that we are suppose to take. I think what is important is what we do once we have chosen a road. And understand that no one road is the wrong road. It’s just simply a different direction. And most of the time, it will still get you where you wanted to go all along. It just may take you a little longer to get there than you originally planned. But what is important is what you learn along the way. You are growing up and learning. Yes…even at ECU. A place where you don’t think you want to be. Just give yourself more time and put more of your heart into it. You may be surprised at where you find out your heart really is happy at. I miss you. Seems like you are a million miles away. I miss your smile and your laughter. And your jokes. And yes, even your sarcasm…lol But I don’t regret you going to ECU. I think you will be a better person because of this experience. Hope we can see each other soon – I sure do miss you. Love you! Mom